Self-development is not something that can be done once and done. Those who understand or are interested in this matter know that it is endless because everything changes, not from us but from the changing world.
Likewise, we still need to develop continuously. However, one thing that can be considered a significant leap in self-development or self-change is “not lying.” Many people may feel that it is challenging when I think of it. And many people may wonder if it can help anything better.
My starting point came from reading a quote like, “If we tell the truth, we don’t have to remember anything.” At that time, even though I agreed with this sentence, my maturity made me think hard about whether it could be done in real life. However, many experiences from the past made me want to try changing myself.
(Source: If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything by Mark Twain in 1894)
Lying and life problems
The basis of lying is the desire to distort the truth, not wanting the other person to know. Initially, it is often a “fear of being wrong.” However, lying is also the desire for the other person to know something that is not true…
In one childhood corner, we may have lied Or listened to lies. In the lie, it makes the liar feel better. If the child has never had, never gotten, or is in an inferior position, such as our house has that thing, we used to play with this toy, we have been there, something like that. Being a child may not be challenging to catch fault, but deep down, it reflects an inferiority complex no different from adults. Only in the latter case is it more subtle...
Not wanting to lose face, trying to have dignity, and wanting to have these things are why many adults lie; they “don’t accept themselves.” And with the mindset of not knowing is stupid, not having is inferior, not being like others is strange. A society that is biased in this way forces some people to see that lying is necessary, pretending is normal. In the worst case, those who cannot handle the pressure may become “hate the truth." If you consider it carefully, sometimes we create a complex for ourselves.
Lying just because you are afraid of being wrong seems to be expected. Even though it is a basic principle that seems reasonable and straightforward and should be lied to many times, it is different. Because there are some things we know in our hearts that “doing it is wrong”, but we still want to do it, hoping to use lying as a tool to cover up. It is not like a child who breaks a plate, is afraid to lie… because of a mistake, and is scared of being wrong. It is different from knowing that it is wrong but still doing it.
Today, if we intend to do something but cannot say it or someone cannot know, try asking yourself why it must be like that. It certainly becomes a knot in our hearts, more or less.
A life without lying
Some people must not like lying or live a life where they do not lie much. But most of them are not like that. We often have some aspects that we want to hide and do not want to tell anyone. Sometimes, we fool ourselves into thinking, “Why do we have to reveal it?” It is not wrong for people to have private things, private aspects. It is just that “things that should not be revealed and things that cannot be revealed” are a fine line.
A life without lying can only be done when “we have not done anything bad.” Therefore, there is no hidden agenda in our lives, such as not being afraid that others will find out that we have done something terrible, dishonest, unfaithful, fraudulent, or even gossiping about anyone. When we choose to “never lie,” we will not dare to do these things immediately. Because if we do, we must dare to speak openly and confess.
Some people may think that “it is good to be able to do it” or that it is impossible for some people. People must have times when they make mistakes or go a little astray. Why should we tell anyone, confess to anyone, and cause damage? Let it go and forget about it…
This is true because there is no need to announce it. But don’t forget that changing and developing ourselves starts with clear thinking. If we intend not to lie, the first thing we will get is “living a more detailed life, being more mindful and considering more,” which will make the wrong and damaging things less. Or if they do happen, they are usually minor things that don’t need to be said. But if we have to say it, it won’t cause any damage.
What we will get in addition is that we will dare to “apologize” because apologizing is not tricky for those who dare to admit it. We are ready to do it immediately, which is better than keeping it as a lie or a cover-up in our hearts (if you think about it carefully, it will be like this). When many things are combined, our minds will be lighter and free from worries because nothing is left in our minds. This gives our brains more time and opportunities to work creatively.
In addition, we will find a new perspective on life, understanding that other people don’t remember our bad things or mistakes. We are the ones who put pressure on ourselves. When we think that we “can’t do wrong,” we become people who are afraid of failure, which means daring not to lie and facing more failures.
It also includes “not being yourself,” as mentioned above. Some of our lies are to hide our lack, inequality, and shame in our status and identity, even though it is not necessary. You dare to say that we are not charming, we are weak, we are not good at that, we are stupid about this, and we still lack something. The result is that in addition to people understanding us more, they are ready to help, give opportunities, or advise us on what we lack, more than just sitting around creating an image.
The results of what has been said: If we are people who have read or understood self-development, we will realize that this is changing our mindset, which can, without a doubt, change our lives a lot.
Adding another perspective, even one day, you do something wrong that you know is not good, but you do it by mistake.
But you have chosen not to lie. You must dare to confess and accept the consequences... This situation, even if genuinely wrong, will make us get through it and not want to do it again. On the contrary, if we hide it, it will continue. For example, cheating on your boyfriend and confessing will end in one way. It may be good or bad. But if you choose to lie and cover it up, it may happen again. And we will be stuck in uncertainty, suffering, and living in an undeveloped life, happy and raw, like that in a cycle. In the end, it will not end well anyway. Because lying like this is like prolonging the suffering of all parties (not only torturing yourself but also torturing others. Isn’t it cruel?) If we choose not to lie, cheating will be difficult to happen. In addition to being afraid of the beginning, having to tell the truth, such as having a boyfriend, is also closing the opportunity for bad things from the beginning.
If you can do it well...
In part, we have to understand that not lying does not mean announcing, wanting to brag, or meaning that we have to tell everything. Not lying here is only about ourselves. If we tell everything about other people, this is not called not being a liar but being thoughtless.
We must understand that The goal of not lying here is to make our lives better, perhaps more straightforward, peaceful, and like ourselves. If telling the truth does not concern us or affect anyone, we don’t talk about it, don’t express our opinions, and keep quiet. It’s better than lying if we have to talk about it.
The indirect result of this perspective is that we don’t want to know about other people or unnecessary things, and we are careful not to get involved in bad things. We won’t have to talk or lie because we don’t know. And the more we don’t care about other people’s things, the more time we will have to focus, be interested, and spend more time on ourselves.
Let’s see how this isn’t great self-development when we can only focus on good things, both our thoughts and actions, by changing just one thing: “just not lying.”
Is it possible to not lie at all? It seems complicated for many people, but if we lie less, our lives will improve a lot. Most importantly, many people don’t realize how much they are “lying to themselves.” This is probably the biggest problem with self-development.